Ayer y tú...

La persona que escribe ahora no es la misma persona que alimentaba este blog hace años. Créeme que intenté seguir en contacto, de hecho escribí en un librito de hojitas amarillas y aspecto antiguo mientras estuve en el barco. Hice mil post-its con el título de los posts que quería escribir cada vez que estando en el barco me encontraba con algo que me tocaba las fibras... en fin, ya habrá tiempo de que te cuente de eso y de que te enseñe esos post-its...

Viajé, conocí, huí y me encontré con la sorpresa de que a la única persona que necesitaba era a mí misma.

Estuve todo lo inestable que pude: me engañé todo lo que quise creyendo que afuera encontraría lo que no encontraba adentro de mí; vi el mundo, me di cuenta de que afuera no es mejor sino diferente; aprendí que la piel o el idioma no nos habla de que la persona sea superior; tuve un trabajo que demandaba de mí todo lo físico que tenía y que me dejaba adolorida por las noches, un trabajo que me hizo apreciar el sueño y valorar el hecho de que alguien sufrió físicamente para que yo no tuviera ese tipo de trabajo más que 10 meses que fue lo que estuve lejos. (osea mi papá que se partió el lomo para que yo pudiera ser "fresa")
Me dolían los pies y me despertaban los calambres por las noches (y eso que mi trabajo ni siquiera era de los más pesados...)
Conocí gente buena que me hacía pensar que como humanos valemos mucho y gente mala realmente que me hacía ver lo grandes que son nuestros defectos como raza y me ponía a sospechar si realmente el karma y la justicia existen.
Todo lo hice buscándote a ti a pesar de que no sabía quién eras ni como te llamabas pero una cosa sí sabía: contigo no tendría miedo de ser yo y dejarte ver lo bueno y lo malo sin preocupación por ser juzgada.

Por fin regresé a este país y decidí seguir buscándote. Ni idea tenía de cómo luces o de en dónde te encontraría así que seguí buscándote por todos lados, tratando tal vez de forzar las cosas y convencerme de que eras tú porque ya no aguantaba más estar sin ti pero de nuevo me encontraba con la terrible decepción de que aunque tuviera ya ganas de tenerte mi urgencia no haría que llegaras antes y de que todavía tenía que esperar a que fuera el momento.

Ahora que miro hacia atrás no puedo decir que el tiempo se me pasó rápido o que no lo sufrí, lo único que sentía era que estaba en un mar flotando sin rumbo y a flote únicamente por lo que conseguía abrazar por momentos pero que después a fin de cuentas desaparecía. No veía nada y eso solo me desesperaba y me desmotivaba.

Hoy no tengo nada literalmente que ofrecerte, después de todo el tiempo que traté de poner mi mejor cara para ver si llegabas me encontré con la sorpresa de que estoy imposibilitada de construir alguna fachada o máscara que logre dar una mejor impresión de mi. Llegaste irónicamente cuando menos estaba preparada para recibirte con lujos pero el hecho de que estés aquí me hace sentir feliz y protegida, me hace sentir que por fin encontré mi lugar y de que todo el tiempo que huí de mí y me topé con error tras error valió la pena para encontrarte. Mañana es tu cumpleaños y celebro que estés vivo y cerca de mí al fin, espero con ilusión que pasemos muchos cumpleaños juntos porque a tu lado siento una protección y un calor que no había sentido en mi vida.

Te amo y no puedo expresar con palabras lo que me siento  y agradezco diario por tenerte a mi lado al fin.

"Reruns"

So here I am looking for something to watch on TV and suddenly I stumble upon my favorite series' reruns on E!
Everybody who knows me sure knows which one that is, but that's actually not very important right now. What this fact brought into my mind was the memory of what I was doing the first time that I saw this show and how things have changed ever since. I can actually recall this image of myself watching the dvd's laying in my bed and just feeling miserable: I was unemployed and there was so much going on in my mind at that time, mostly stupid barriers that wouldn't allow me to do anything out of fear... fear of making mistakes, fear of loss...

When I look back then I realize that I've made my share of mistakes; I've finally understood that that's exactly what we're here for: falling off the bike and standing up to try again.
I've sure lost many things and people on the way but I will always keep what they taught me and I'll always be glad that they touched my life. Somehow I've dared to change and move in a direction that I would've never imagined. I'm not saying all my fears went away because I can still feel some of them in me but probably I just learnt how to put them aside for a while and just jump into life.

I kind of feel like I'm back at the beginning. But life is a cycle and we'll definitely end up back where we started some times, the thing is that we're a different person when that happens and those chances that we ask of going back to the beginning carrying what we know in the present are actually given to us by life. It is tricky I know but it's all part of living in the present and not worrying about the past which you can't change or the future which hasn't even arrived yet... to me this has got to be one of the most important lessons that this cycle called life has given me.

This has definitely proved to me that most of the time we worry too much but I've seen with my own eyes that we worry about something that is not even there yet. We worry about something that is just in our head. I know we might base our fear on previous experience but we must keep in mind that we learn, grow and change incredibly fast and that every time a scary situation comes to us it is a different person that will face it. Never doubt your ability to acquire new skills, new courage and wisdom, you might actually surprise yourself, I know I did.

Life as I know it

“Try to remind myself that I was happy here before I knew that I could get on a plane and fly away from the road where the cars never stop going through the night to a life where I can watch the sunset and take my time, take all our time…” Sand in my shoes, Dido

How many times in your life have you ever stopped and realised if you’re doing what you really want or if you are the person you want to be? Well, being somewhat of a misfit I wonder about that all the time and I repeatedly ask myself a serious amount of questions on that subject during the day ever since I can remember.

The first part of my life I was truly concerned about fitting in and being the person everybody expected me to be. I was an excellent student: teacher’s loved me, my mom was proud of me and I recall doing everything I could in order to keep my friends happy… Denying who I really was and following the rules worked out for me for a while but a period of several changes came into my life and most of them caught me so off guard that I honestly didn’t know how to react to them. I hated change for a long time and got reluctant towards it without realising that it was actually good for me; change has taught me that I don’t need to fit and be loved by everyone and that everything I do doesn’t need to be approved by everyone around me and I actually feel relieved for not having that weight on my shoulders anymore, and it’s that relief what has given me the chance to try new things.

One of the things that I experimented lately was travelling on my own. I’ve done that several times for work but I had never taken a vacation by myself… People were actually surprised and a little skeptical about it but I was sure it was going to be awesome.

…And awesome it was, I had the time of my life and 10 days away totally changed the way I see things now. I know it might sound stupid but changing your routine for a few days and being away talking to people and learning about their lives can totally make you evaluate if you are happy or not. Some of the people I met sold everything they had to make their dreams come true and literally travel around the world with that money.

I must confess that idea has crossed my mind several times during my life but I’d never actually met somebody who had the guts to do it. It was great realising that the difference between a judgmental person and a happy one is that the first one only caresses their dreams and reject them because they’re afraid of change while the second one not only caresses their dreams but does everything they need to make them come true. I think people are judgmental due to different reasons: they may not know how to carry out their dreams; they just don’t feel confident enough to know that they deserve trying to make them happen and doing as they please, or they’re just afraid of losing what they have come to know as “stability”…

Now that I come to think about it, “stability” was one of the things I was a little bit afraid of losing (even while I was on vacation): at first I tried to book a tour which included accommodation and visiting many of the spots I wanted to visit. After browsing for options on the web, I narrowed it down to this little hotel in San Cristobal, Chiapas which offered a private room and different tours. I was ready to book that hotel for 6 days, 5 nights but their customer service for booking was terrible and I decided I couldn’t trust these people with my credit card info. I was thinking about what to do when a friend of mine suggested: “why don’t you do some backpacking and stay at a hostel?” at the beginning I must confess, I was nervous because I’d never done that before and it involved moving from one place to another by myself and looking for new accommodation at each one of these places instead of just staying at one same place and coming back from the spots I visited to the same location. I even tried to book hostels in advance and even made an excel sheet with all the spots I wanted to visit, some travelling recommendations and 3 different options of hostels for each place in case I couldn’t find somewhere to sleep…

But it wasn’t necessary, the first thing I did when I got to the first stop was forgetting about my stupid pseudo itinerary and just go with the flow. The first couple of days I met backpackers who had been travelling for months and all I could wonder was “don’t they miss their bed?” and “how “stable” their lives have been during their last months???” I couldn’t help noticing how light they were travelling, both emotionally and luggage wise, most of them were carrying only one bag and occasionally sent home stuff they’d bought in order to keep it light. I couldn’t imagine myself travelling that light and wearing the same clothes for an extended period of time ‘til I could find a laundry or a hostel equipped with a washing machine.

I was being a little judgmental myself but as the days went by I realised that most of the things in my bag I didn’t even use, I didn’t need all that stuff: all that make up and all those shoes… I ran out of clean t-shirts pretty soon due to a miscalculation but other than that I realised I could travel pretty light myself as well… As time went by I noticed that hostel beds weren’t that bad at all and that I hadn’t even thought about my apartment for a while. I didn’t care that I wasn’t sleeping on my bed or that I wasn’t using my car to move from one place to another. I realised that “stability” is actually inside of each one of us and it is not given by a bunch of furniture surrounded by four walls.

Backpackers didn’t miss home because home was travelling along with them. As a backpacker you never find yourself alone; there’s always someone to talk to, someone to travel along with and someone to exchange tips and recommendations with.

People don’t even find it necessary to think about the place they’ve left, actually most of the people I’ve kept in touch with and that have gone back home found it very hard to re-adapt to the routine they had before they left, I should know about this because it happened to me. I actually miss being away in the same way I thought I was going to miss home. I don’t know what is it about travelling that changes you but it really does; for me, it might have been the fact of talking and listening to so many people from such different places and learning about how we might have different points of view but in the end it's the same thoughts that cross our minds.

All of us have different fears but somehow we find the strength and courage to overcome them once we meet somebody who has done it. We listen to their advice, we learn the best ways to do it and we verify that we’re going to be just fine.

After coming back my routine didn’t change that much. I returned to work, the gym, and hanging out with my friends as I normally do but this trip definitely switched something inside me allowing me to see things from a totally different perspective and evaluating whether or not I like my life as I know it.

Even little details can trigger big changes in a person’s life; even a stupid apple falling off a tree may be a reason good enough to start wondering why things fall down and the rest is history… don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying I’m going to come up with a theory that will change the course of physics and mechanics, I’m just saying that a trip like this gave me a glimpse of different options in my life and helped me see that it’s not my job to judge but to respect other people’s dreams no matter how “crazy” or different from mine they may be.

Costo de oportunidad

Y como todos los días, hoy me levanté y me puse el disfraz que uso de lunes a viernes de Ejecutiva de Category Management. Llegué a mi compu, la prendí y leí un poco de noticias y artículos como una forma de procrastinación antes de decidirme a trabajar porque honestamente me cuesta mucho trabajo concentrarme en las cosas.
Mi trabajo básicamente consiste en analizar números y compararlos con estudios de mercado y lo que piensa el consumidor. Mi participación en la máquina capitalista consiste en saber si se están vendiendo más o menos calzones que el año anterior: si se venden menos yo tengo que saber por qué demonios nos están dejando de comprar y si se venden más tengo que saber qué estamos haciendo bien para replicarlo y básicamente vender más.

Debo confesar que nunca en la vida imaginé que iba a terminar trabajando con números, cuando empecé a estudiar mercadotecnia me imaginaba en una oficina con muchos colores, gran espacio y jugando algo mientras la gran idea de una campaña publicitaria viniera a mi mente pero la vida me ha llevado por caminos algo diferentes. Descubrí que tengo un lado estructurado y cerrado al cual le ha encantado trabajar con números porque son exactos y más sinceros que las personas. La otra parte de mí ama leer los estudios de mercado y conocer más al consumidor así que por la parte laboral estoy bastante a gusto porque después de mucha inestabilidad laboral y de mucho trabajo he logrado conseguir algo que me gusta y cuyo sueldo mensual no me hace sufrir. Creo que es justamente por esto último que me siento tan culpable de sentir que algo me falta…

Últimamente he estado platicando con algunos amigos que son igual de afortunados que yo. Siendo realistas, somos de esa pequeña parte de la población que ha sido afortunada al tener acceso a una buena educación y un buen trabajo pero a ellos también les cuesta trabajo creer que esto es “la vida” y que la rutina de levantarse, disfrazarse y pretender que todo está bien es lo único que venimos a hacer a este mundo.

Irónicamente esa esclavitud es la que nos permite “seguir viviendo” pero básicamente vivir es trabajar para subsistir. Obviamente hay personas que encajan perfecto en la rutina impuesta a nivel mundial o que al menos hacen parecer como si los hiciera felices, estas personas son las que encuentran un costo de oportunidad más alto en trabajar y despedirse de su vida personal. No estoy diciendo que esté mal, cada quién tiene diferentes formas de satisfacer su necesidad de logro, simplemente estoy diciendo que no todos nos conformamos o necesitamos lo mismo. Hay gente que prefiere alimentar su espíritu y sacrificar la parte terrenal pero son juzgados por la sociedad y tachados de parásitos o “buenos para nada”. Sí, en el año 2011 la gente todavía no es libre de elegir lo que se les pegue la gana sin temer a la crítica y la poca aceptación.

Afortunadamente existen personas que a pesar de ir en contra de la corriente han tenido el valor de realizar sus sueños y han tenido la sensatez de hacer algo que realmente les llene a pesar de sacrificar la parte banal que tan valorada es en nuestros tiempos. Quiero agradecer a estas personas por servirme de inspiración y demostrarme que no está mal buscar algo más: gracias a la que se fue a recorrer literalmente todos los mares y se atrevió a volver a amar a pesar de que había pensando que nunca lo iba a volver a hacer; gracias al que tuvo el valor de renunciar a una carrera de actuaría que no lo iba a ser feliz para convertirse en escritor a pesar de lo que eso significaba financieramente; gracias al que no temió a armar una revolución para educar a la gente y enseñarles que vivir tranquilo y ser transparente era más importante que estar “encerrado en el closet” y preocuparse por el “qué dirán”; gracias a la que agarró todos sus ahorros para irse a otro país a estudiar lo que siempre quiso a pesar de que sabía que probablemente regresaría sin nada…

Yo creo que todo ellos tienen algo en común: les admiro el valor que tuvieron al hacer algo que podría traer consecuencias muy negativas pero he visto que estaban tan concentrados en hacer lo que querían que todo lo demás fluyó para ellos. Las consecuencias negativas que eran de esperarse no han sido tan malas como pensábamos. Sí, a veces las sienten y añoran algunas de las ventajas que perdieron al cambiar de camino pero puedo jurar que ninguno de ellos se arrepiente y que su nueva decisión les ha dejado a todos aún más cosas positivas de lo que les quitó.

Gracias por leerme.

Serendipity (Part 2)

Still in awe of good things that happen as “accidents” and my fascination with the way the universe arranges things to happen, I collected some interesting stuff that was created by “lucky coincidence”, enjoy:

- “And we owe our health to PENICILIN”: In 1928 an untidy Scottish biologist and pharmacologist named Alexander Fleming came back to his laboratory after spending August on Holiday with his family. Before he left he had been doing some research on staphylococci and he had left his cultures in his laboratory. On his return he discovered a mold that had grown in one of the cultures, this mold produced a substance able to kill bacteria and was named Penicillin. It was released March 7th, 1929 and has been used to cure several bacterial infections such as: syphilis, gangrene and tuberculosis.

- “Accidentally high; LSD”: In 1938 a swiss chemist named Albert Hofmann was trying to obtain a respiratory and circulatory stimulant working on a fungus named Ergot and a Medicinal plant for Sandoz Laboratories (nowadays Novartis). He got LSD for the first time during this year but he set it aside until 5 years later (1943) when he decided to work again on it, this time he accidentally absorbed a small quantity through his fingertips and discovered its powerful effects… I think this guy must have had the greatest job ever, he was actually paid for getting high as he became director of Natural Products Department at Sandoz and had the pleasure of travelling to our beautiful Mexico to try and study “magic mushrooms” and Olioliuhqui seeds among others.

- “The marvellous CHOCOLATE CHIP COOKIES”: The addictive chocolate cookies were ironically developed by an american dietician named Ruth G. Wakefield. She was trying to make a different kind of dessert named Chocolate drop cookies but she ran out of regular baker’s chocolate and used instead broken pieces of semi-sweet chocolate from Nestlé. The chocolate chip cookies were born and she eventually became business partner of Andrew Nestlé. I think I owe this lady about 40% of my extra fat.

- “One of my personal favorites: SILLY PUTTY”; I don’t know if you ever got to play with this as a kid but a guy named James Wright, an american engineer at General Electric during 1943 invented one of my favorite toys by accident. He was actually looking for a substitute of the natural rubber that was used in truck tires and soldiers’ boots during WWII and got a gooey compound instead. He got so disappointed that he took the gob and tossed it onto the floor, it bounced back and 7 years after that a toy seller named Peter Hodgson put it in an egg and presented it at the International Toy Fair in N.Y. the rest is history...

I really hope you enjoyed this short list; there are many other serendipitous developments that you can find following the link below. I could’ve gone on and on but I decided to post only those events that got my attention.

Just to mention some serendipitous events that may catch your attention: Viagra, Cellophane, X rays, Laughing gas, Corn Flakes and Safety glass among others.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Serendipity

Serendipity (Part 1)

“The faculty of making fortunate discoveries by accident…” **

A couple of weeks ago I heard this news about a homeless man who wandered the streets of Ohio with a sign in his hands asking for a chance to be an announcer again, the guy had done some radio before but lost his whole life (family, job, friends) to drugs and alcohol and ended up on the streets. He got what he wanted and a CBS news reporter gave him a chance to do what we does best and show off his talent. The video got to the right person at CBS and now everybody is offering Ted Williams big contracts to work with him.

The point of sharing this story with you is comparing the past and the present of this guy; his life changed overnight and (at least on the outside) he went from the lowest point to stardom and even though some say things just happen and that it was just some lucky accident I can’t help but thinking of all the events that had to line up in order to change this guy’s life at the exact moment when he needed it the most. Was it just a happy coincidence? Is there such thing as a plan made and written for each one of us?
If you come to think of it, we’re immersed in this “coincidences” all the time and we involuntarily dance to a domino effect that combined with our own decisions shape our lives. Sometimes this chain of reactions brings us something we longed for, sometimes it brings things that are not so good at a first glance but it always brings something that we need.
I think there’s two sides of the coin to this story: the first one is all of the external events we can’t control, the circumstances we’re forced to face (the lemons life gives us) and the other one is the actions we choose to take. Regarding this, I was reading about serendipitous events through history (which I will comment on part 2) and I found two very interesting quotes:

“All things are ready if our minds are so” Shakespeare
“Chance favors only the prepared mind” Pasteur

If these quotes are right, they sum up that serendipitous events may only come to reality when we’re ready for them, otherwise they will just pass by unnoticed. So maybe we do have the last say and seredipitous events come to our life whenever we’re ready for them; maybe this guy I mentioned before was done with misfortune and learnt what he had to, he moved onto a new stage in his life in order to start learning what comes next. If this is so, then how are we supposed to know what we need to learn if we don’t know it yet?...

Most of the time my mind looks for closure when it comes to deep diving into this kind of things but about serendipity no matter how hard I try, I can’t seem to draw a conclusion, all I know is that everything is possible, everything can happen, even the most unlikely and unexpected events…

** Definition taken from: thefreedictionary.com

Image taken from:http://mantoos.com/entertainment/ted-williams-homeless

Following @alejodorowski

Hace algunas semanas dejé que la tecnología entrara un poco más a mi vida y decidí abrir una cuenta de twitter. Para alguien que no ve televisión (únicamente dvd’s), no tiene una lap, iphone o blackberry y que normalmente se entera de las vivencias o historias de los demás a través del formato tradicional (los libros), el twitter era algo que la verdad nunca me imaginé llegar a experimentar… Mis amigos con más de 50 “tweets” en promedio y ya bien adaptados al tema de compartir cualquier detalle de su vida, me recibieron amablemente pero muy pocos se dieron a la tarea de realmente explicarme las herramientas esenciales: el “@” y el famoso gatito. Obviamente me frusté al darme cuenta de lo atrasada que estaba en esto del “trend topic: #uso del twitter”. Una vez medio conocidas las herramientas me dispuse a leer la bola de estupideces que la mayoría de la gente escribe en twitter.

Debo admitir que juzgué prematuramente y que di por sentado que todo lo que encontraría serían frases vacías y tontas como las de “nuestro orgullo más reciente la miss universo” (léase con tono sarcástico) @therealmissu: “Haciendo escala en Dubai…tengo mucho sueño!! Que tengan un buen día :)” pero me he llevado la grata sorpresa de que gente con cosas importantes qué decir también se habían abierto a la tecnología y se han tomado el tiempo de unir algo tan frío como la tecnología con algo tan cálido como los sentimientos.
Fue así que a través de mis amigos llegué a hacerme follower de temas de mi interés; admito que mi interés también incluye banalidades o placeres culposos como TMZ y Calle 13 pero descubrí varios twitteros a quienes vale la pena seguir. Definitivamente uno de mis favoritos es Alejandro Jodorowski. Confesaré que no estoy muy familiarizada con su obra y todo lo que sé de su vida es lo que Wiki dice y como todos saben: a wiki hay que creerle la mitad pero decidí hacerme follower de Jodorowski porque él escribió una de las frases que más han modificado mi forma de vida y percepción de las cosas, les voy a contar por qué: Hace algunos años ojeando un periódico me topé con una entrevista hecha a Alejandro Jodorowski, en ese momento sabía menos de lo poco que sé hoy sobre él pero el nombre me sonó así que la leí. Lo que más se me pegó fue lo siguiente: “Cesa de definirte, concédete todas las posibilidades de ser, cambia de camino cuantas veces sea necesario…” honestamente para alguien tan cerrada como yo, redefinirme cuantas veces fuera necesario estaba completamente prohibido porque no estaría cumpliendo con las normas con las que fui educada pero esa frase fue el detonante de probar el “a ver qué pasa si hago esto o si intento lo otro” y creo que algunas veces llegan a nosotros ciertas palabras o ideas que no habíamos considerado y que nos sacan de algún sufrimiento, palabras que necesitamos oír y que nos hacen darnos cuenta de que hay varias opciones allá afuera que no estábamos considerando. Como piezas de algún rompecabezas personal que nos hacían falta para armarlo o completar algún pensamiento. No sé si les haya pasado pero por muy fríos que sean no creo que logren escaparse de que ciertas palabras se queden tatuadas en su mente. Palabras que sin saberlo necesitaban oír y que llegan en las formas menos esperadas y en el momento más necesario en alguna canción, en la conversación de alguien, en un libro o en un periódico cualquiera como me pasó a mí...
Esa frase llegó a mí en un momento de mi vida en el que estaba harta de la estructura y del “tengo que”. Estaba sin trabajo y desconocía que podía tomar cualquier opción que yo quisiera, no se me ocurría liberar mi mente y obligarla a buscar cualquier otro camino que no fuera encontrar un trabajo justo de lo que había estudiado y que tuviera las características que todos esperaban de él y de mí.

Creo que lo más valioso fue que esa frase viniera de alguien que justamente se permitió hacer varias cosas y no solo una. Jodorowski escribe, hace películas y es compositor y en mi forma de ver las cosas, todos hemos querido hacer algunas otras cosas además de las cosas en las que nos hemos encasillado. Hemos crecido pensando que solo somos capaces de hacer una cosa exclusivamente para dedicarle tiempo y perfeccionarnos en esto. Tenemos esa idea de que las personas únicamente poseemos la capacidad de dedicarnos a un oficio pero todos tenemos mil facetas que ni siquiera nosotros conocemos y que muy pocas veces nos atrevemos a explorar. El problema es el miedo a dejarnos fluir. Tememos a la inestabilidad que representa “el cambio de camino” al que Jodorowski se refiere, preferimos vivir haciendo algo que no nos lleve a arriesgarnos a perder la comodidad de lo conocido o simplemente no sabemos que se vale cambiar a lo largo del camino.

Sinceramente no sé a quién se le ocurrió que debemos practicar para el resto de nuestras vidas aquello que tomamos como opción estudiar cuando tenemos 18 años, edad en la que no tenemos ni idea de todas las cosas con las que nos vamos a enfrentar y no tenemos un gramo de madurez pero irónicamente “el sistema” nos obliga a tomar este tipo de decisiones cuando menos aptos y más cobardes somos.

La única conclusión que puedo sacar de todo esto es que todo se vale en el momento en que sea necesario para nosotros. Creo que no me siento con el derecho de aconsejar a la gente o a obligarlos a tomar mis ideas pero creo que el hecho de escribir lo que pasa por mi cabeza y a dejarlo disponible ha ayudado a que tomen las ideas que les hacen “click”, las palabras que tal vez necesitaban oír para completar sus ideas o llenar los espacios de ese rompecabezas que estaba en espera de una pieza.
Me llevé gratas sorpresas en donde menos lo encontré.

La tecnología me ha permitido leer diario a Jodorowski y muchos otros que tienen qué decir y que se atreven a compartirlo. Gracias a los que se animan a hacerlo o a pensar en forma diferente porque es así como los cobardes y débiles obtenemos el valor para ser nosotros mismos y hacer lo que realmente queremos hacer. Gracias por leerme.

"Thou shall love thyself"

We’re all seeking perfection. We’re all seeking for something that meets our expectations and then we can make ours. In the same way, we’re looking forward to meet someone’s expectations so that someone can make us theirs and we can feel important…but how can we expect to be loved by someone else if we haven’t fallen in love with ourselves first?

Most of the times we’re too hard on us, I should know that… I’m my cruelest judge, and I have seen that many people do that to themselves too. I don’t know why is it that we hurt and criticize our own ideas, our own body and everything we can control in seek of the best we can get… please don’t misunderstand these words, looking for the best in ourselves is one thing that I really support but what I find so sad is that we really destroy our self-love by diminishing what we do or what we are.

Ever since we’re kids we’re taught to love and respect others, not to hurt or say anything cruel about someone, respect nature and animals but it seems like we’re not really taught how to love and respect ourselves. We are programmed with certain kind of rules that we need to live by; take the classic Ten Commandments for example, the Catholic Church took certain common sense rules and made them part of its basic life instructions: “Thou shall not lie, Thou shall not kill, Thou shall worship your God, honor your father and mother…” it really looks they have it all covered up by these rules and most of the good typical mothers around the world teach their kids that common sense included in these commandments (even if they aren’t Catholic), but it seems like we’ve all forgotten about honoring, respecting and not hurting ourselves. It’s always been about judging what we do to others but what about what we do to ourselves???
How do you teach a kid to be strong, confident and self-loving? How do you teach them that it is only their own opinion of themselves that counts? And not what the media or the society thinks? If we haven’t managed to grasp this “self-love” philosophy ourselves, how do we expect our offspring will get it? Especially with the media dedicated to spread false values.

If you look for the word “model” in a dictionary you’ll find something like this: “One serving as an example to be imitated or compared” no wonder why we feel the urge to be like the models our modern society has presented to us. Just by definition we know that a model is something that we need to be, that we need to learn from, the problem is that those models are exactly what we don’t need to be. Their surreal and false version of beauty is accomplished with the valuable help of Photoshop and starvation, tools obviously hidden from the youngest who have no idea that what they’re seeing goes against any doctor’s orders.

When this false perfection meets our low self-esteem we get stupid people who know nothing about real values and have not a clue of how beautiful and worthy they really are.
Maybe we can’t really be taught what is beautiful or not but we can surely be trained to respect and love ourselves, stand up for whatever people may reject about us and do for ourselves what we expect from others: love us.
The Bible might have forgotten to write “Thou shall love thyself” as a commandment but now, thousands of years later we know that certain “modern values” are not good at all and that we’re not forced to follow them. We are able to see that if it doesn’t make us a better person, then no value or opinion should be accepted by us.
We can have the courage to be opinionated and defend what we are. Nowadays more and more people are starting to open their eyes and making their own decisions, they’re not followers of some trend anymore. Fashion itself has become challenging to what used to be “accepted” so why can’t we challenge those vain values that are only hurtful and transitory?
I dare me and you to be comfortable with who we are even though it´s against what we see on tv. What do you say?

As images can speak louder than words, I'll leave you with this great ad part of the campaign for real beauty by Dove.

the biggest fear

Almost every day I wake up thinking about the things I fear the most. I’m not talking about the ones that you see on tv or any kind of gross reptiles or spiders; I mean the ones that come from within. Those things you’re afraid to think about yourself, those things you’re afraid people might think of you.
Personally, I have a very clear image of what I don’t want to become or the person I don’t want to be and every single day I try to eliminate any attitude or behavior that may take me close to what I’m afraid of being… But where does this fear begin? Why am I so afraid of becoming a certain type of person? In my eyes, what can be wrong about that personality that makes me avoid being nearly like that? I don’t know, and I don’t know if I should be speaking only for myself or if it is something that happens to everybody… I don’t know if it’s related to the education we get when we’re younger. We are taught to have 2 opinions towards everything: good or bad and we are programmed to reject everything that falls into the “bad” category even though sometimes the “bad” feels really good… In addition of being taught what is right or wrong, during our life we accumulate experiences that let us classify by ourselves what we like or don’t, what is good for us, what hurts us… Through emotions, feelings and values molded by our culture we learn to classify and seek what we think is good for us.
And even though sometimes we enjoy something that hurts us, we try to do as good as we can...

Has it ever happened to you that you dislike certain attitudes or characteristics in a person? Well I think that’s very common, we can’t totally like someone (because we all have pros and cons) but I’ve thought many times that the things we don’t like in a person, may be the things we don’t like about ourselves and sometimes we’re to blind to see that. We judge and classify someone into the “bad” category, we reject them without realizing that we might do so due to the unconscious rejection of the things we don’t like about ourselves. Those things we try everyday not to get closer to, what we don’t want to be yet we find so difficult to get rid of.

I think it is great knowing what we don’t like, what we don’t want to become. Other’s attitude and our relationships with them help us see the consequences of certain attitudes towards life and we can choose what we want or don’t in our lives, with the help of others we may become better or worse persons, it’s up to us.
As well as we reject people and things we don’t like, we have the choice to pick and include in our lives things we like about them. We can mold certain habits, conducts and even opinions into our lives; adapt them to our own style because it may take us to what we want to be. This is where I find very important not only knowing what we don’t want to be but what we are looking for in life and the kind of person we look up to. The category we’d like to be classified into. We always need to be ourselves; we need to mix really carefully what we see in others with whatever it is we want to be, without forgetting who we are and without being some poor copy of someone else. Good or bad, we always need to stay true to our thoughts, emotions and desires that our personality commands. Those we can’t share with anybody, those that are only ours. The combination of pros and cons we get as a personality, we can’t find in anyone else. We may find and share some of them with millions of people but the whole structure and mixture of emotions, habits, thoughts and other characteristics are exactly what differentiate us from the whole bunch and we’ll be denying them by trying to be like someone else.

Besides identifying our biggest fear, it is paramount identifying first our biggest goal and everything we need to do to get there. Fortunately or unfortunately it’s not always easy living up to those expectations we have of ourselves and it is not easy finding a path that will lead us there but I guess that’s what life’s all about: growing and evolving into a better version of ourselves.

"easy comes, easy goes"

Lately I’ve been thinking about the different types of relationships I’ve had in my life. There are the ones that have educated and nurtured me, there are the ones that have taught me how to treat people and how I don’t want to be treated and there are the ones that have showed me how things and people are not always what they look like.
We’ve heard many times that “not all that glitters is gold” and if humanity was a little more optimistic, there would exist a phrase that would make us see how positive and reassuring things can come out to be from situations we didn’t think were so fortunate.

Just like life can bring us plenty of good surprises, it can also bring us people we never even imagined we would keep around as friends. It’s happened to me a couple of times that the people I call “best friends” didn’t come easy in the first place, maybe we didn’t really like each other in the beginning and only time has given us the chance to really get to know each other and appreciate the nice persons that hide behind a misfortunate “first impression”.

I’m talking about this because last Saturday I went to this party (one of my best friends’ birthday) and while I was there toasting with champagne and dancing my ass off I got to thinking about how I met and became friends with each one of them, specially the birthday boy and I remembered that when we just met none of us imagined we would end up having so much fun and sharing so many moments.
I’ve talked to him about our not so good “first impression” many times and we’ve both agreed on how difficult it is to really see a person when you first meet them. Through years of friendship we’ve discovered good and bad things about each other but we’re still around and we still care about our friendship no matter our flaws and faults. We’re still together supporting each other and helping us grow and learn.
As a relationship that has taught me a lot, I can say that I’ve learnt sharing and loyalty from him but the most important thing I’ve learnt is that things we work hard for are the ones we value the most. What easy comes, easy goes and I’m glad to say that the friendships that have cost me the most to discover are the ones that will hardly fade away.

Thank you very much birthday boy for being our Angel and taking good care of us, thanks for everything you’ve taught us, this words are for you, your last gift of this year’s bunch of gifts. I really hope you enjoy them. Thank you for sticking around even though we didn’t have the greatest “first impression”. Thank you for letting us see the nice person that you are.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY!

Para Carmen

Lo más maravilloso de la vida es que nunca sabemos realmente lo que tiene preparado para nosotros.
Algunas veces no tenemos idea de lo que va a suceder o qué es lo que nos espera: bueno o malo, qué tipo de gente tocará nuestras vidas o qué tipo de problemas o retos nos vamos a encontrar.
Si pensamos de manera negativa entonces lo que viene adelante no es más que problemas o experiencias amargas pero todo depende de cómo queramos tomarlo porque si cambiamos esa manera negativa de pensar a una positiva, entonces lo que nos espera no es más que algo bueno y útil: gente valiosa por conocer y eventos importantes que nos pueden dejar las lecciones más enriquecedoras.
Sé que hablar de una manera linda acerca de esto, lo hace sonar más sencillo de lo que parece pero realmente hay todo un proceso de aprendizaje atrás de esto… para algunos es fácil pensar positivamente pero para alguien a veces realista y a veces negativa como yo, no ha sido fácil regresar a ver todo positivamente y con ojos ingenuos como alguna vez lo vi.
Deshacerse de ese mal hábito de la negatividad cuesta mucho trabajo pero yo misma me he sorprendido de las cosas que he podido lograr una vez que pongo toda mi voluntad en ello; creo que si mi vida terminara hoy, en este mismo instante, me iría tranquila porque la he utilizado para aprender mucho y crecer. Mi vida me ha obligado a salir de mi “zona de confort” varias veces y tener que adaptarme a nuevas circunstancias, tener que hacer lo que puedo con lo que tengo y a tener fe en que pase lo que pase, voy a estar bien. Creo que de haber sido una persona obsesiva en varias áreas de mi vida, he pasado a ser una persona que ocasionalmente se da el gusto de relajarse y de soltar un poco el control y hacer eso, por muy fácil que parezca, me ha costado mucho trabajo.

No todo tiene que estar perfecto, no tengo que saber y aclarar todo, no tengo que luchar por causas que no me corresponden. He aprendido a que el tiempo resuelve las dudas que realmente merecen ser resueltas y a que las respuestas llegan por el medio y en el momento adecuado, también he aprendido a que debo luchar las batallas que realmente me retribuirán algo y no las que sólo me dejarán más lastimada.
Tampoco tengo que ser perfecta ni física ni mentalmente, creo que la gente que está a mi lado es porque me estima tal como soy…

Creo que una de las lecciones más importantes que he aprendido es que las cosas no deben ser perfectas para poder disfrutarse. Como lo he mencionado en otros posts, yo he tenido que aprender a hacer algo tan simple como “disfrutar” de la vida y esta lección de no buscar sólo lo perfecto para ser feliz es justamente la que me ha permitido aprender a disfrutar de muchas cosas. Por poner algunos ejemplos, me he dado cuenta de que no todo tiene que estar estructurado y organizado para tener un uso. No tengo que llevar la ropa o el maquillaje perfecto para salir en la noche y divertirme. No tengo que tener toda la semana planeada con horarios y citas para preparar algo maravilloso el viernes o el sábado, ésta era una de las manías que tenía y me he dado cuenta de que los momentos más divertidos son los que menos se han planeado y la más importante: no tengo que decir “no voy”, “no quiero” o “no me gusta” a algo que no conozco porque el hecho de ir, querer o probar algo diferente es lo que me ha dado el gusto de conocer cosas que me han gustado, que me han hecho bien y que he adoptado en mi estilo de vida.
La verdad no sé si las personas noten cuando les suceden este tipo de cambios en la vida, creo que normalmente notamos lo mal que estábamos cuando logramos dar ese paso grande y situarnos en una mejor posición para comparar. La verdad no tengo idea si alguna vez ustedes se hayan sentido así o si en algo se identifiquen con esto, es por esta razón que lo escribo en primera persona, porque simplemente no puedo generalizar sin saber cómo se sienten los demás o si han pasado por este tipo de cambios cuya importancia radica en que estén ahí y que nos hagan ser mejores personas, que nos hagan la vida más práctica, más sencilla. La vida ya trae pruebas demasiado complicadas como para que nosotros la compliquemos aún más.

El día de hoy este post está en español porque está dedicado a la memoria de mi madre cuyo aniversario luctuoso es justo hoy. Eso me hace pensar en la importancia que le damos a las fechas de los extremos de nuestras vidas: el día que nacemos y el día que morimos. Son tan importantes que aparecen debajo de nuestro nombre en la tumba y ahí se quedan por siempre pero yo creo que más que recordar el principio y el final debemos tomar en cuenta fechas que nos marcan aún más: las fechas en las que aprendemos lecciones fuertes, lecciones que nos hacen crecer o que nos hacen perder el control para después recuperarlo con más fuerza. Estas fechas son las que importan y desafortunadamente muy pocas veces las tomamos en cuenta ignorando que nos han cambiado la vida.

Lo más maravilloso de la vida es que hace 11 años no tenía idea de que justamente hoy estaría escribiendo esto, de que existirían los blogs y de que lo estaría compartiendo con ustedes, no tenía idea de lo que iba a ser mi vida todo este tiempo ni de lo que iba aprender o a quienes iba a conocer pero todo ha sido bueno y útil para mí así que estoy segura de que lo viene igual de bueno será.
Los quiero, gracias por leerme.

bulletproof ?

There are so many things on my mind today but one thought is particularly stronger than the others. Since last night, I’ve been thinking about how tough we can really be and how difficult it is to hide exactly how we feel…
It is well known that arts exist because of that human need of expression. The things we create speak for ourselves and there are many different ways of showing our feelings: music, writing, dancing, sculpting, etc but each one of them always speaks louder than words.
Arts make humans transparent for taking away our ability to hide anything. Those who really need to turn to any mean of expression become totally naked and helpless when their most sincere feelings are exposed; I guess this is exactly why thousands and thousands of persons around the world are closeted writers, composers or any kind of artists. I bet you have been surprised some time by any friend you thought you knew really well and then you discover that he or she have been a silent artist for a long time but let me tell you that expressing our most personal emotions is really hard because it shows that we are not bulletproof and that certain things in life can really bring us down sometimes, it may even make us weak to people’s eyes and that’s something nobody likes to admit. The weirdest thing about it is that most people need to see other’s acknowledge of weakness before they can acknowledge their own; in a funny way we may think of artists as sensitive and fragile for confessing their impressions but what it really takes to share your feelings is courage, so maybe artists are not as weak as we thought.

I used the term “bulletproof” above to describe people able to prevent anything from the outside to hurt them, but what happens to them in the inside? What happens to all those emotions they need to get rid of? Are they bulletproof from the inside to the outside as well? We hear all the time that it’s not very healthy to keep certain kind of negative emotions and thoughts inside so what happens when they fight so hard to keep them in? Don’t these emotions hurt them exactly as bad as some events in the outside would? I don’t really know, I haven’t been the kind of person who keeps her thoughts to herself, as much as I try to ignore or deny them, sooner or later they always find a way out… maybe it’s better this way.
Maybe artists and people who acknowledge their sensibility are the ones who are made bulletproof, because once they’ve shared their feelings they know they may be forced to deal with criticism and rejection…

What do you think my friends?

“…and I lived happily ever after.”

A few nights ago I saw this movie about reality turning into a fairy tale with a happy ending, good winning over evil and magic all over the place… I liked it, and then it suddenly hit me that in most of this kind of movies its children the ones that believe in magic not adults and I couldn’t help wonder why. The only reason I found is that when we are little we have no idea how cruel reality can be sometimes. We are trapped between innocence and ignorance and this makes us see life through naive eyes.
But when is it that we stop believing? Is it when something cruel shakes our reality and bursts our bubble? Or does believing just fades away as we grow older?

When I was little I used to be naive and easily fooled but I was hopeful…then a little piece of reality bursted my bubble making me realize that bad things can happen to me too. That fact made me grow before my time; it kicked ignorance out of my life and made me aware of things regular teenagers just don’t think about.

That particular event that changed my life caught me totally off guard and by surprise, ever since, I’ve found really helpful being alert of everything around me, this awareness is what keeps me safe and helps me protect whenever I feel insecure or in danger.

As a result I became a little cynical and suspicious for my age but that really worked out for me. For a long time it was really helpful to foresee things that could happen in life, but I’ve recently noticed that total control and monitoring isn’t good either, it's too exhausting...
Fortunately life has showed me that as hopeless and discouraged as I can feel sometimes, there’s always some happenstance that brings hope back. I’ve learnt that good events are the ones hard to predict and life is better that way because we wouldn’t enjoy them so much if we knew they’re coming.
I can definitely point out those sad events that have made me a little skeptical but honestly I can also point out those events that have brought magic back into my life and that have reminded me that magic does exist. I’m sure those are meant to exist in our lives to remind us that sometimes life can be like a fairy tale, even if it’s only for one night or just a couple of days… think about it, I’m sure that we can all think of certain moments that made us feel like we were living in a dream so never ever stop believing because there’s a fairy tale ahead, waiting for us to be ready to enjoy it.

Being able to see magic happen in front of your eyes is not a matter of age, it's just a matter of faith and trust.

"ghost"

Ren: I know you don't read blogs, not even mine but this post is for you... Thanks for knowing what this quest for the perfect ghost means...

A few months ago I read this quotation by Rochefoucauld: "True love is like ghosts, which everyone talks about and few have seen"... right after, I tried to remember if I'd ever seen a ghost, fortunately I can say that I've seen that ghost, that true love everybody wants for themselves yet doubt to be real...

True love exists, yet I don't understand why people don't want to believe in it, is it because they're afraid of it? Is it because they're afraid of getting hurt? Some ghosts can be spookier than others but each one of us has our own reason not to believe in something we might have never seen before but let me ask you something, has it ever happened to you that you're looking for something and it's right there in front of you but you just can't see it? Maybe love is like that, we might even be truly loved but we are not able to see it as we take it for granted.

Think about it for a while, we think that love is perfect. We have this idea that love has to be easy and if you're looking to find that out there, maybe this is why you'll never see this ghost, because you're looking for the wrong ghost. Love is the most imperfect thing you can imagine. It's filled with mistakes, lessons, forgiveness, anger, patience, sadness, joy and all these emotions that mixed together can result in something so pure called love, just like all colors mixed together make white.

To see love we have to keep our eyes open and we need to learn how to recognize it... We can't pretend to see this ghost everywhere because it’s not found that easily. Most of the times we don't know what it looks like, most of the times it doesn’t look like we want it to; there’s nothing else to do but to keep a hopeful light in our hearts that will guide this ghost to us, through rough and dark paths.

"geek"

do you ever wish you were someone else? well sometimes I do, especially when I realize that many other people have certain qualities I wish I had…
most of the time people think I’m outgoing, cheerful and confident, and I probably look like that but I don’t think that myself...
I like talking to people, getting to know them, hearing their stories and learning from them but is that really being outgoing? I love dancing and singing but that doesn’t mean I’m cheerful, to be honest, I tend to focus on the negative side of things most of the time…

all this makes me think that most of the time we judge based on the looks, we make assumptions not based on reality and when we think we know someone, we probably don’t have a clue about who they really are.
we are getting used to rejecting people without even getting to know them first. we expect a certain behavior based on the looks, if we see some beautiful guy or girl we expect them to be stupid or maybe easygoing and sexy. whenever we see someone who wears glasses and isn’t interested in fashion we refer to them as “geeks”, but this can’t be more wrong, I know this because sometimes people might get the wrong idea of who I really am; honestly I’m just a geek in the closet who wishes she could dance better to get the guy she wants.

I bet there are plenty of people out there wishing they were prettier, sexier, and funnier or maybe a different person sometimes but the thing is that we all want to be someone else from time to time, it’s only human to wish we had something we want and has been denied by any circumstance.
I’ve learnt that all we need to do is to stop focusing on what we lack of and value and appreciate what has been given to us, our own talents and qualities. this great advice I’ve been given by one of my best friends and it’s been helpful because geek or not I’m loved by many people just as I am.

"home"

I was looking for a definition of "home" and a dictionary I found online states that home is "a place where one lives, a residence" but I don't agree much...
Home is not only a place that we choose to live in, I think home is a place we love, a place that makes us feel comfortable, a place where we can be ourselves and definitely a place that we're used to, that we know...

I was thinking about "home" because last weekend I went to this beautiful beach, about 7 hours away from home... A friend of a friend recommended this place because it's peaceful and quiet and people from the city can really use a relaxing trip like this... we got to this beach and the moment I got there, I knew that I was going to sacrifice comfort and convenience for a few days of calm and peace and I was ok with that, I knew it would only be for a few days...
We were ready to experience nature at its best, we had our tent, our insect repellent and our cell phones as a small part of convenience that we could carry from the city into the beach.
After driving around looking for a spot to park and set our tent, I realized that my signal was gone, I had no connection to the world I'd left behind and as soon as we set our tent, I realized that ants had occupied it before us and that our insect repellent, wasn't repelling anything at all jeje but I was willing to enjoy the experience anyway...And I enjoyed the experience indeed... I noticed that people there have a peaceful life, they aren't stressed or worried about anything, they have no deadlines, nor schedules or cell phones to disturb their tranquility. People just work for a few hours selling food to the visitors and then go back to their small houses to enjoy their quiet life.
For a moment, I envied their life... I wondered what it would be like, doing nothing all day long but resting and serving food from time to time... At the beginning, I liked the idea, the first day I stayed there, I really thought: "these people are lucky".

That same night, just laying on the sand I looked up at the sky and saw thousands of stars and shooting stars. I couldn't believe the night sky, it was so beautiful, majestic and mysterious. I fell in love with the sky because I'd never seen anything like that before and I couldn't believe that some people were lucky enough to call such a beautiful place "home".

The next day I kept analyzing the life of these people, I hadn't pointed it out to any of my friends but that night, one of my friends, Andy said out loud what I had been thinking through the whole trip... She had noticed their peaceful life too and we commented on it, but as we spoke about it, I realized that I have great things too back home...
I do have a stressful and busy life but I have other things that I'm already used to and that have made me the person that I am, with pros and cons; I'm used to my life and it has worked out for me because it has made me happy; even though I can't see that beautiful night sky from the city, I can always have signal on my cell, I need no insect repellent all day long and I have the most comfortable bed I've ever laid on. I love getting home after a hard day and watching some T.V., reading a book or just talking to my dad and brother. I love hanging out with my friends, seeing them anytime we can and dancing at our favourite bar, just drinking, laughing, enjoying life... To us, to me, this is home. My stressful and busy city is what I'm used to, this is the place I can call "home", this is what I know and where I feel comfortable.
Just like the people on the beach lack certain conveniences I do have, I lack of other things they have but I'm happy living here, honestly I don't think I could get used to living the life they do, I could just get used to visiting the beach from time to time for a few days and then coming back to the place I'm lucky enough to call "home".

mar
ps. thanks to mich and andy for the beautiful pics of our trip

"in times of adversity..."

Today I was thinking of all the hard times I've been through in my life: the loss of a very close member of my family, financial trouble, unemployment and a terrible break-up just to mention a few... I can remember the way each one of these events made me feel and I can see how much I've learnt and grown from all these negative experiences and it really makes me happy to realize that I have the strongest safety net to catch me when I fall: my friends.
I know sometimes they might have got tired of just listening and fighting against my negativity but they always stood by, no matter the bad weather and giving me their advice and strength, making me laugh whenever I felt like crying or just calling to ask how I was. Everytime they did something like that, I could just say "thank you" but maybe I haven't had the chance to really say what all this support meant to me.

I know sometimes it's hard to be a "good friend"; when you have too many things in your mind, it's hard to put all that stuff aside and just listen and give advice, it's not easy to forget about your own trouble to try and solve someone else's but humans have this beautiful thing called "empathy" and it makes us understand exactly how another person feels and as we make that feeling our own, we are able to provide the help we would like to receive. This is what makes friendship possible, that human side that helps us understand emotions and the way they feel.

Whether we choose to show them or not, we all have emotions and this fact shows us that we are not alone, that anybody else is able to feel like we do at some point and that real friends are the ones that choose to stick around to share our sadness and sorrow...
So, THANK YOU for being there, for trying to understand what I was going through and for providing the help that you would've liked to get if you were me. Thank you for being that sparkle in the dark and for sharing your light.
¡¡¡los quiero mucho!!!

"in times of prosperity friends will be plenty; in times of adversity not one in twenty"
english proverb

mar

"share it with the rest of the class"

This morning, while I was stuck in traffic and not moving an inch, I thought that every day is exactly the same as the last one: I wake up early in the morning, go to work, then I go to my second shift (teaching) and finally I get home too tired for anything else and honestly, I don't really like it... I want different things in my life, I'm scared only by thinking that this might be what I'll do for the rest of my life! I hate this thought, because if I don't like things right now, how can I expect different results if I keep doing the same boring things every single day??

The problem is that I don't know exactly what part of my life to change, I feel trapped in my own life just like so many people around the world do. I think a huge amount of us are stuck in shitty jobs that we don't even like and yet we have to keep them because there are no other options. If we work 40% of our time then we're spending almost half our time doing something that makes us unhappy, therefore our lives become something we don't enjoy. We are in this kind of jobs only for the money but is it too much to ask for an enjoyable way of making a living?

I know there are a few lucky ones who really love what they do for a living, but they're not lucky only because they can make money out of their likes, they are lucky because they have actually found that special activity, that "thing" they love doing.

I've seen some people who know from a very young age what they like, i.e.: my brother: he has always loved airplanes, now he's a pilot. He always knew he wanted to be a pilot, his passion has always been airplanes. I really envy people like him because once they've discovered their passion, they can build their lives around it...
On the other hand, I've seen people who haven't found what they like, that "thing" they're good at and that makes me wonder: Are we born to do something in specific or are we supposed to find that special "thing" on our way?

I don't really have an answer for that or for many other questions in my life, I just know that many of us are wondering the same thing as I write, I just hope that if anybody should find the answer, please share it with the rest of the class ;) he he

mar

"can't see the forest for the trees"

After having a rather bad day today and every day for the last 3 months I couldn't help wondering: does everything really happen for a reason?

I know it all depends on how you take those bad situations, you can whether learn from them or you can feel lost and wonder "why me?". Well, I think lately I've spent my time swinging from one to the other; sometimes I think that rough times can really make a person grow up and learn from mistakes but there's always desperation and restlessness when wondering if I'm ever going to get through it.

I've heard many times people say: "you can't see the forest for the trees" and this means that when we are in trouble we can't really see the whole picture, we feel trapped and we are so caught up in the problem that we can't really think that better times will come and that this too, shall pass...

I think that overcoming any difficult situation in life is related to having a positive attitude towards it and keeping in mind that not everything is lost.

I really envy people who can do that because it doesn't seem to be that easy for me, I hate to admit but whenever in trouble I tend to feel so trapped and preoccupied that I can't just see a way out that easy; I can't stop asking myself if there's really a reason or if it's really something better on its way like everybody keeps telling me.

mar

"communication goes both ways..."

I think all humans around the world have felt the need to communicate...

By "communicate" I don't mean just talking and looking for someone to hear, I mean expressing and being willing to listen what others need to say. Real communication goes both ways, listening to others and expressing ourselves. But how many of us really communicate nowadays? How many of us are willing to care about anything others want to say? To learn and to accept advice?

We were meant to be sociable, to interact with each other, to express our feelings and wishes and to listen to others' feelings; nevertheless, we're so afraid of talking most of the time and we're even more frightened to listen.

But why is it so hard to communicate? If communicating is natural how come most of us be so stupid at it? Why are we so reluctant? And when we try it, why can't we pick the right time or the right set of words to exactly say what we need to say??? I don't really have an answer for that, all I can do is think of all the times I haven't said the right words; Have you ever felt like that?

I think this innate need of communicating found its way in modern blogs, for they are definitely based on sharing thoughts, feelings and all kinds of comments about anything. Blogs are a good chance of practising our communication skills, needless to say, so necessary at present.

Writing about communication made me think of how different everything would be if we tried listening once in a while and if we just tried saying whatever is in our hearts.

I'm just putting out my words, hoping to communicate and willing to make a difference.

Thank you for reading and leaving any comments.

mar